


The Dress

by friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Biting, Bottom Alexander Hamilton, Canon Era, Cheating, Cheating Alexander Hamilton, Crossdressing, Drinking & Talking, First Kiss, First Time Bottoming, Gay John Laurens, Holding Hands, Internalized Homophobia, John Laurens Lives, M/M, Pillow Talk, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Riding, Small Penis, Top John Laurens, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24924724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo/pseuds/friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo
Summary: Alexander gives in to a wish he had for a long time and gets an unexpected visit from Laurens.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 8
Kudos: 138





	The Dress

After reviewing what he had already written, Hamilton decided to stop and call it a day. He wasn't going to make much progress anymore. His work demanded his full attention, it was not something you could just do half asleep.

He rose up from his chair. Somehow, though he felt drained, he didn't feel like going to sleep yet. He wanted to do something special, to make this day better. He'd barely done anything else than sitting at his desk and writing for the entire week. Today was Sunday and, though Alexander was not very religious, he usually tried not to work on Sundays. But now, with his family upstate to visit Philip Schuyler, his father-in-law, there was not much he could do except work, especially since that was the reason he stayed home in the first place.

Alexander stood in the middle of the room for a second, thinking about what he could do to get his mind off his work. He thought about going out to take a walk but decided against it. The summer in New York was a lot colder than those in the Caribbean. He never quite got used to the weather here. 

"Whatever", he thought to himself. "I'll just go to bed."

Right after he said it he wasn't even sure anymore if he actually just thought it or said it out loud. The isolation really was starting to get to him, huh? He blew out the candle on the table and went to Eliza's and his bedroom next door. As he walked in from the completely dark corridor, the moonlight shone through the window directly onto one of Eliza's prettiest dresses. It was hanging outside of the closet, mainly because the dress was too expensive to risk getting creases. It looked really great, both on Eliza and in general. It made him wonder if he could look good in it, too.

It was not the first time he thought about things like this. Maybe, Alexander thought, if he'd give in and saw how hideous men looked in dresses his brain would finally leave it alone. He decided that now was as good a time as any.

He closed the bedroom door and started taking off his clothes.

\- - - - - - - - - - 

The dress was easier to put on than he thought. It was a bit tight on the waist, but apart from that it was quite comfortable. Alexander lit up a candle to be able to see his reflection in their mirror (which might be one of their most valuable belongings). The mirror wasn't very big and the candle light not enough to properly see himself, but Alexander could still see his shape. He hated that thought but, if he was honest with himself, he didn't think he looked 'hideous'. The dress was great and, as he saw when he looked down at himself, the color complimented the color of his long hair. He combed through his hair with his fingers, rearranging it a few times until he was satisfied with the result.

He smiled a little. It was barely visible in the mirror but it felt good anyways to genuinely smile for once. Not that his life was awful, but it had been kind of draining and exhausting lately. He hadn't spent time with his friends in ages. At this point he wasn't even sure if he really had many left.

The sound of someone coming up the stairs pulled him out of his own thoughts and into a state of panic. He thought about taking off the dress, but that would take too long. His next idea was to just block the door so nobody could walk in. However, considering it was probably a friend of his, he decided against it. As the steps reached the top of the stairs he decided to hide inside the closet and wait for them to go. 

It might be a colleage who just had a question that they desperately needed answered. He'd done that multiple times. "That" being coming into people's houses in the middle of the night to ask something.

The person opened the door to the bedroom and Alexander tried to breathe as quietly as he could.  
"Alex?", he heard the intrudor say. It was Laurens. He surpressed a sigh.

"Alexander, are you home?"

Again, Alexander didn't answer. It just now hit him in what danger he was. If Laurens saw him like that, he could tell everyone. Everyone would believe him since they loved him anyways while Alexander always felt like a problem child. He would probably lose his job, status, family and, most importantly his friends.  
Great. Now he had tears in his eyes. God, he really had become pathetic since the war. 

"Guess he's gone out", Laurens whispered. Alexander hoped he would leave now, but, judging by the sound of it, John didn't. He sat down on the bed Alex shared with Eliza, waiting for him. John probably thought he was just taking a walk before going to bed like he often did.

After a minute or so Alexander's thoughts began spiraling downwards. He thought about how disgusting he was and what people would think about him if they found him like this. It hurt him the most to imagine John's reaction. He really didn't want John to hate him. 

Before Alexander could stop it a sob escaped his mouth. He quickly covered his mouth with his hand but it was obviously too late. 

John stood up, saying nothing at first. "Alex?", he asked softly. Alexander didn't know what to say. He was still hoping John would think he imagined the sound. 

Apparently Laurens did not think so because he lightly knocked on the door of the closet. "Are you in there?", he asked.

"Go away", Alexander answered.  
There was a moment of silence before his friend answered with a quiet "ouch". He was always so honest about his feelings. Most people said it was childish or 'not manly' but Alex loved that about him. And, considering his current situation, he was not in the position to be calling anyone 'not manly'.

"No, It's- it's not because of you. You just shouldn't see me like this."  
Alexander knew this was a terrible explanation but he couldn't think of a better one.  
"Crying?", Laurens asked. "Come on, you've seen me cry at least five times, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"That's not what I mean. Just go, please."  
"I will go, if you really want me to", John said. "But I want you to know that I care about you and that you can tell me everything."  
Alexander gave up trying to hide his sobs.  
John continued: "It's okay if you're not ready to talk about this. But you don't have to hide. I won't ask any questions, just please come out of that damned closet."  
"No! You'll see how pathetic I am!" Alex shouted. He wished he didn't, because he was giving away more information than he wanted to. He couldn't think, couldn't calm down or pull himself together.  
"What do you meen 'I'll see'? Would I see what's going on as soon as the door was open?"

"Please don't open it. Please don't", Alexander begged. It felt like he couldn't breathe, like there was no air left in the closet. There was, though, and Alexander knew it. He stopped sobbing. He just sat in silence, tears running down his face while he was desperately trying to breathe.

"I won't. It's okay. I won't open the door."

Alex trusted him, he really did, but he couldn't calm down now that it started. His breathing got faster and faster. He felt lightheaded. He wanted to stop breathing so much but also he still felt like he was suffocating.

"I'll leave the room so you can come out, okay? And then you can stand by the door and I'll be with you on the other side." John sounded concerned but covered it up really well. His voice was calming and when he heard the door close, Alex actually stepped out of the closet. He leaned against the door to support himself.

"Are you still there?" Alex whispered. 

"I'm there. I'm with you and I will not go away. It's going to be fine."

John's voice was calm and steady and it affected Alexander in the same way. He was still hyperventilating, but he could think a bit more clearly now. 

"Is there anything I can do to support you?" John asked, a little helpless as he could only guess what was happening on the other side of the door. 

"Keep talking to me."

Alexander closed his eyes. John's voice was slow, it was neither quiet nor loud. It was the way his breathing was supposed to be. So Alexander tried to do just that. He already felt clear in his head, the panic had left, but he still had trouble controlling his breathing. He tried to breathe in slowly, but it was as if his body was working against him. He sucked in some air and pushed it out before he could even think about holding it in for a few seconds.

"Can I hold your hand?" Alexander asked quietly, hoping Laurens would not be weirded out by this question.  
Luckily, he got a "yes, sure" as an answer. It was slow because it was an unexpected question, but it actually didn't sound like Laurens would mind.

Alexander moved a little forward to stop blocking the door and opened it a little. He immediately felt the door push in his back a little more as John put his arm through the gap between door and frame. 

Alexander wasn't sure how to grab his hand at first, because it was in a kind of weird position and he had to keep away from the gap if he didn't want to be seen, but he found a way. His breathing was pretty much back to normal already but he wanted to stay like this for a minute or two.

But his peace of mind didn't last long. The silence gave him time to think and thinking in the presence of other people usually ended up making him anxious. Laurens was probably annoyed right now. Or hurt because he didn't trust him enough. Or disgusted because he wanted to hold his hands.

"I'm sorry to bother you this much."  
Alexander let go of Laurens hand.

"It's okay", Laurens said, not pulling back his arm.

Alexander thought about something. In the corner of his eye he noticed Laurens arm disappearing behind the door.

"If you wait outside for just a minute, you can come inside and we can actually spend some time together."

\- - - - - - - - - - 

"I'm sorry, by the way", John said when Alexander opened the bedroom door in his regular clothes. "For just barging into your house like that."

"It's fine. I mean we always visit each other like that. I just wasn't expecting you."  
Alexander smiled. There was a moment of silence.

And then there was another one, but the two men were hugging, clinging onto another. A silent "thank you" meeting a silent "glad you're alright".

When they broke apart, Alexander decided it was time for some alcohol and went downstairs to get a bottle. John got comfortable on Alexander's side of the bed who sat down on Eliza's when he came back.

"Didn't bring any drinking glasses, I hope you don't mind. I don't wanna do too many chores while Eliza's away."  
Instead of answering directly, John laughed and took the bottle. He opened it, holding it over the edge of the bed (just in case), and started drinking. 

They took turns with the bottle while talking about their life and recent events. It was mostly John who talked though, since Hamilton didn't have much of a social life at the moment. He didn't mind listening.  
But he also couldn't forget about what happened earlier. He looked to the closet where he had hung the dress the way it had before.

Oh.

It was where it had hung before he had tried it on, yes. But it obviously did not hang there when John had walked in. Surely John must have noticed, considering he had stood in front of the closet for some time. And now they've been sitting here for about an hour.

Why was he like this?

"Alex? Are you okay?" John's concerned voice brought him back to reality.  
"Yes. No. It's... probably just the Alcohol. I don't feel so well."

"Is this about earlier?" John asked. He looked towards the closet - or did he look towards the dress? - and back to Alexander.

"It's not! Yes. It is."  
Alexander could never look John in the eyes and lie. At least not longer than two seconds, apparently.

He thought about giving up and explaining it, but he didn't know how to start. How could he start? 'I've always wondered what it would be like to...' no. 'I didn't want you to see me because I was...' sounded like a good idea, but he probably would die before actually being able to say the full sentence.

He got lost in his thoughts again. His thoughts that got scarier every second. They needed all his attention, and then they needed the air he was breathing. They needed more. He needed more air.

A touch on his shoulder. A hand in front of him.  
John had gotten closer to him and grabbed his shoulder lightly with his left hand. His other hand was hanging in the air like he wanted to give Alex a handshake.

He took the hand and sqeezed it a little, like John would take his hand away if he didn't hold onto it well enough.  
Since it was both their right hand and they were sitting in front of each other, it looked more like they were matching their strength than holding hands. Not that anyone cared how it looked, though. John was looking at Alexander's face and while Alexander was staring at their hands, he didn't focus on them.

John was unsure if he should say it, but he could see how hard it was for Alexander to even think about it, so he did: "It's the dress, right?", he asked quietly. When Alexander looked up at him he smiled reassuringly.

"It was", Alexander whispered.

John's took his hand from Alexander's shoulder and put it up to his face. He stroked his cheek and said "I bet you looked really pretty in that dress."

Alexander had expected just about anything, but he could have never, not even in his wildest dreams seen that one coming. Though... if he thought about it, there was one back in 17... well, maybe that one was better off forgotten.

"Like the prettiest person in the world."  
"Don't you think it's stupid? That I wanna look like a woman sometimes?"

John just shrugged. "No, not really. If that's what you want, you can do it. You're not hurting anyone. And you know that I don't care about conventions"

Alexander didn't know what to say. He never expected to be accepted like this, without a second thought, without making it a big deal. Laurens accepted him so much faster than he accepted himself. 

Without thinking, he leaned forward until his face almost touched Laurens'. There was a moment of hesitation, he wasn't even sure himself if he was doubting himself or simply waiting for consent - though in the end it didn't make a difference.

This moment of hesitation was enough time for John to react. He leaned in, connecting his lips with those of the man he had admired for so long.  
He wasn't sure what Alexander felt. Maybe he was just confused, or thankful. But John decided to let these thoughts break his heart later. Because right now his heart felt more complete than it ever had.

Alexander pushed John back so he was lying on the bed and positioned himself on top of him. John wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down to kiss him again. They both knew what they were doing was wrong - not only were they two men but Alexander was married - but they didn't care at that moment.

It didn't take long until both of them had lost all their clothes. Alexander was still on top of Laurens, planting kisses on his neck. He left a trail of saliva as he went along the side of Johns' neck, up to his ears. "Your skin feels so soft", Alex whispered, getting as close to his ear as possible. He moved his head up to look John in the eye. John felt a shiver run down his spine and his dick getting even harder than it already was before. "Imagine what your kisses-" John stopped and tensed up as Alexander lightly bit him in his neck. "-feel like", he continued, sounding like his body forgot to hit puberty.

"I'm sorry." Alexander wasn't sure if he should have done that. "Don't be", Laurens answered, not wanting to admit directly that he liked it. This seemed to be enough to restore Alexanders' confidence as he moved on to John's chest after apologetically kissing the bitemark he left that would probably disappear in a minute or two.

There was a very obvious scar on Laurens' chest. It had missed his heart and other vital organs and hit him close to his shoulder which left him only able to move his left arm in a lot of pain. "Do you feel any pain there?", Alexander asked. He didn't have to explain where "there" was. "Only under pressure. It's like a bruise."

Alexander looked at the scar again, then into Lauren's eyes. "You made it, I'm so glad you made it. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't. I call you my closest friend, but in reality you're so much more. I love you more than anything. Never forget that." Alexander had to restrain himself from starting to list off everything he loved about John. He might like taking things slow - at least in bed - but he really did not want to sit like this until tomorrow.

While Alexander broke their eye contact, tracing his hands over Laurens' chest, Johns' mind was flooded by emotions of all kind. One of them was uncertainty. He wasn't sure if Alexander actuallly meant to say that he loved him like a lover. He had said things like this before (Though never on top of him, completely naked). Despite that it was Alexanders' words that made tears well up in John Laurens' eyes as he grabbed Alexanders' face and connected their lips once again in a passionate kiss. It was no different from the ones they had shared before but yet it felt like so much more.

When their lips parted again Alexander was smiling like an idiot. He kissed John's cheek once more and then continued caressing John's chest. He took one of his nipples into his mouth, playing with it with his tongue. John stopped him before he could move on to the other.

"Come on now, don't torture me like this", he said with a smirk.  
"Well then... have it your way..." Alexander answered, gripping his Lover's dick.  
John gasped but he was able to hold his composure. He decided to sit up a little more comfortably so he could look at his lover.

Alexander started to stroke John's dick lightly. "I still want to kiss every inch of your body", he whispered. "I guess I'll do it some other time."  
John smiled but noticed that he looked hesitant about something.

Hamilton repositioned himself so that his hole was directly above the tip of John's dick. Before he could lower himself on it John grabbed his arm to get his Alexander to look at him. "You don't seem too sure about this", he said. It sounded more stupid than he thought it would but it still had the effect he wanted. Alexander stopped and bit his lower lip self-conciously

"It's okay if you don't want to. There's other ways to get off, don't do something because you feel like you should."  
Alexander smiled. "I- uh... I think I'd like to try at least. I'm not sure if I'll like it though, I never really thought about that."  
"It's alright. I mean, who am I to talk? You've had more experience than me, even if it's always been women."

Laurens sat up a little, leaning against a pillow and grabbed Alexander by the waist to support him as he slowly lowered himself onto the tip of the other's dick. He stopped, but continued taking him in deeper as John started complimenting him. He told him that he was doing great, but that he should also take his time.

Alexander wasn't sure if that thought was selfish, but the way John talked made him feel like, even though he definetely wanted to please John, this particular part was just about him and his needs.

When John was fully inside him, Alexander smiled and leaned forward to kiss Laurens. "You did so great!", John said, genuinely proud. "How much does it hurt?"  
"Not much. It's an unfamiliar feeling but I like it."

John smiled. "That's good to hear, though I guess my penis wasn't that much to take in."  
Alexander wasn't sure what to answer to that. He went with "Getting insecure now, are we?"  
He immediately wished he didn't say that though. Laurens actually looked extremely insecure and blushed deeply. 

"I think you're perfect. Every part of you is perfect, I wouldn't want you any other way. Don't worry about things like that, okay?" Alexander said. He really liked giving his lover compliments. At least he definetely preferred it over failed attempts at teasing him. Laurens didn't look a hundred percent convinced so he said it again: "I love every part of you and I think you're perfect. Just the way you are. Never forget or even doubt that."

"What did I do to deserve you?", John whispered and kissed Alexander to shut him up before he could say anything more than "being yourself". 

While they were still kissing, Alexander started moving his hips a little bit. He pushed himself up, letting their lips break apart, and placed his hands on John's shoulders. He lowered himself again, making both of them moan. "Wow", John whispered.

"Yeah", Alexander answered, out of breath as he thrust down once again. With the third thrust he hit a specific spot that made his whole body tense up for a second. His breath hitched as a wave of pleasure overcame him. He tried to hit the spot again, accelerating when he found the right angle. 

Despite not minding that he didn't have to do much John started feeling a little useless. He couldn't think of anything to do (he couldn't really think at all being quite busy feeling absolutely fantastic) except talking.

"You're doing so great. And you look so pretty like this. You're amazing, you make me feel so great right now." John wasn't sure how much of his rambling was even comprehensible, he was breathing fast and loudly, unable to control the sounds coming out of his mouth. 

"Touch me", Alexander begged. John still had his hands on his lover's side for support. He went up to his chest, caressing Alex's nipples with his thumbs.  
He swallowed down the urge to apologize. Alex seemed to know excactly what to do, still jerking up and down with his entire body, taking John's length in completely with every thrust. He felt overwhelmed (in a mostly positive way) but also insecure. He was scared of doing something wrong which, apparently, he just had. 

"Keep talking, please, love", Alexander managed to say between moans. It was clear he was holding back, probably more because of the chance of being heard than anything else. "Everything for you, pretty boy", John answered, pushing away his self-doubt and anxiety to please his lover. "I love you so much. You're gorgeus. You're strong in every way there is. I've never felt greater than I do now, inside your beautiful body. I wish we could stay like this forever. But I think I-" 

Words suddenly failed John after his rambling of compliments. He was so close to his orgasm, but he didn't want to let Alex down, even as it got harder for him to concentrate. He started stroking Alex's dick, hoping he as well was about to cum.

Alexander thrust down one more time and stayed, waiting for John's sperm to fill him up. He pressed his lips to the other's as he reached his own orgasm. 

"Wow", John whispered, panting. Alex just smiled, being too exhausted to do anything else. He slowly stood up and let himself fall onto the bed, closing his eyes.

"I'll get us a towel", John said as he made his way to the bathroom. Once that he left the room the weight of what they had just down hit him. He just had sex with a married man. While adultery was not quite uncommon, he was rather fond of Eliza and had never wanted to go behind her back.

He also did not know how Alexander towards him. He might just have been lonely, or happy about being accepted (god, that incident felt like it happened in a whole other century). Alex was never shy about giving people compliments (or insulting them), but the things he had said today... Even for him that was oddly affectionate.

John didn't really remember when it had dawned on him that he liked Alexander in a different way than he was supposed to. He had always managed to convince himself that he just wanted a very strong friendship with Hamilton, that all his feelings were platonic. But when he could not deny the sexual desire any longer, he had to admit the romantic feelings to himself as well.  
This was years ago, though, when they were still very young. Even in moments where Alexander made him feel like maybe this longing was mutual, John never expected anything to happen between them. Society was not on their side and there was no hint that this would change in the near future.

He wasn't even sure if maybe society was right about this. 

John sighed and grabbed a towel, deciding that any more thinking would not do him any good. He could talk to Alex when he came back, that was better than assuming. Or maybe they didn't have to talk at all.

When he entered the bedroom again, Alex had not moved. He only opened his eyes slightly when John entered the room. John decided that he should clean himself up first since most of Alexanders cum had hit him on his stomach and chest. He rubbed it off, then kneeled down on the bed to examine Alexander. He only had a few drops of his own cum on his chest. After wiping it away he also cleaned both their dicks a little (which didn't seem necessary, but John didn't fetch this towel for nothing). He also looked if there was cum leaking from Alexanders ass, but it didn't seem so. 

John gave his... best friend? Sex partner? Maybe even lover? A kiss on the forehead before returning the towel to the bathroom, unsure where to put it. It definitely needed to be washed.

"Do you think anyone will come in tomorrow?" He asked as he returned to the bedroom once more. Alexander shook his head lightly, without looking up. "Okay. Then I'll be with you in a minute. I'll just get us some of your sleeping clothes and tidy our other clothes."

\- - - - - - - - - - 

When Laurens had finished dressing himself and Alex he laid down on the bed, wrapping his arms around Alex from behind.  
"How are you feeling?" He asked, breathing in the familiar scent that was masked by the smell of sweat.  
"Tired", was all he got as an answer.  
Even though it was not said aggressively John still worried if there was a kind of hidden meaning behind those words. He hoped that there wasn't and gave up on the conversation he had meant to start with his question. They could still talk about everything tomorrow, it was probably for the best if they did.

Alex almost automatically started smiling as he felt John's hand caressing his chest. He felt like he had been drained of all his energy the moment he calmed down from his orgasm, but it was definetely worth it. Given the gentle care and warmth Laurens was providing him falling asleep to recharge felt like the easiest task he had ever faced. 

\- - - - - - - - - -

John was still holding Alexander when he woke up. His body was warm against his own and John decided to stay put and enjoy this moment. His joy however did not last long as John's thoughts started to drift away. He was scared of what Alexander would think when he woke up.

Did yesterday mean anything to him?  
Did John mean anything to him?  
Did Alexander know what he meant to him?  
And most importantly: Did he want Alex to know?

He hugged Alexander tighter, not realising that he woke him up by doing so. 

"Good morning, love", the younger whispered after a while. John tensed up, unsure if he should let go of Alexander. The fact that he called him love made him believe Alex, still half asleep, must have confused him with Eliza.

Alex did not. That was why he was not surprised to see his friend when he turned around in John's embrace. He brought his face closer to Laurens' but waited. "May I kiss you?", he asked softly.  
Laurens wanted to ask him a hundred Questions.  
He wanted to be careful.  
He wanted to stop, wanted Alexander to be faithful to his wife.

Except he didn't. 

He wanted his lover.

"Yes, please."


End file.
